Funny clean jokes can be hilarious. The blonde jokes and one-liners can also be amusing and entertaining.
Humor should result in spontaneous laughter or perhaps a smile for the less impulsive. The best comedy occurs when we least expect it. It could be a misunderstood comment or some otherwise unexplained mishap.
Dirty jokes have their place, but not on this site. Clean jokes, in my opinion, are are funnier - anyways.
Humor is all around us. Look for it. We see it with our children and at work.
The following stories and jokes are not new. They have all been around for years. Many are known to have a slightly different version.
I told my friend that she drew her eyebrows on too high. She looked surprised.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
Two fellers were in desperate
need of cash, but admittedly were a bit cowardly. So the one suggested they
break into the Amish market. The logic being that since the Amish were
non-resistant, even if they were caught, no harm could befall them. Thus they
carried out their plot.
However, just as they were breaking into the cash register, the owner turned on the lights and confronted them, a shotgun pointed directly at them.
Calmly, the Amish man said, “Boys, I would never do thee any harm yet you are standing where I am about to shoot.”
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights w/numbers above the walls light up.
They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24 year old woman stepped out.
The father said to his son, "Go get your Mother."
Q: Why did the blonde stare at a frozen orange juice
can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said "concentrate"!
Q: How can you tell a blonde has been using your
A: There is white-out all over the computer screen!
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday!
Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands
tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought!
Q: What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?
A: Third Grade!
Q: What do you call a blonde that dyes her hair
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an
A: It took her 2 weeks to figure out that you could play it at night!
Q: Why do blondes like lightning?
A: They think someone is taking their picture!
Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?
Q: How can you tell a blonde has been in the bathroom?
A: There is make-up all over the mirror.
Q: Why can't blondes make kool-aid?
A: They don't understand how to get the 2 quarts of water into the little package.
Once there was a woman who had a baby at the age of 70. The neighbor lady across the street was thrilled to see the baby and mama return home from the hospital in perfect health. Later, the lady ventured across the street to ask to see the newborn babe. She knocked on the door and heard the new mama call out, "Come on in. It's open." So she went on in.
She asked the older lady if she
could see the baby and the older woman replied, "You can see it in a minute. The baby is sleeping." So
they proceeded to have some tea and cookies.
Later, the younger lady looked at her watch and realized that the time had gotten away from them. So, she asked again if she could see the baby. This time the older woman seemed to be a little annoyed. Finally the younger woman said, "I really don't understand why you will not let me see the baby. It has been three hours and I am still waiting to see it."
With that the older woman replied, "I know you have been here for quite some time and have showed remarkable patience with me. The truth is I keep hoping the baby will wake up and start to cry so I can remember where I put it!"
When a guy's printer type began to grow faint, he called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told him he might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job himself.
Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?” "Actually, it's my boss's idea,"the employee replied sheepishly.
"We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."
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