Funny retirement poems can be hilarious. Find the poem that fits your retiree. Humor in the form of quotes and jokes should be part of any retirement party. This is not a somber affair. So, "Let's Party".
Now that you are a retiree,
think of all the discounts you’ll see.
You can go to the movies for less than the rest.
With early bird specials, you’re sure to be blessed.
Zoo entrance is yours at a reduced price.
Museums also discounted, retirees to entice.
As a senior citizen, you’ll be treated like royalty.
Because of your free time, they all want your loyalty.
Weekly paychecks may be a thing of the past.
But if you are frugal, your savings should last.
All of the discounts will surly assist.
Just make sure you stay off those credit card mailing lists.
There’s quite an art to falling apart as the years go by,
And life doesn’t begin at 40.
That’s a big fat lie.
My hair’s getting thinner, my body is not:
The few teeth I have are beginning to rot.
I smell of Vick’s Vapor Rub, not Chanel #5;
My new pacemaker’s all that keeps me alive.
When asked of my past, every detail I’ll know,
But, what was I doing 10 minutes ago?
Well, you get the idea, what more can I say?
I’m off to read the obituary, like I do every day;
If my names there, I’ll once again start -
perfecting the art of falling apart.
Never ask of money spent
Retirement is the time of your life
Work has been a long routine,
Now it's time to change your scene.
The journey lasted, so many years,
Now get ready, for some cheers.
You have done, a top notch job,
We shall miss you, we may sob.
Freedom will be, something new,
You'll enjoy the brand new view.
We're happy for you, that you're done,
Try new hobbies, have some fun.
No more thoughts about - employ,
Take it easy, and share your joy.
Congratulations on a job well done.
You may be retiring, but you’re still number one.
Now every day, you’ll get to sleep in late.
Is that the early bird special on your plate?
This place won’t be the same without you.
Just thinking about it makes us all feel blue.
But think of the fun that’s within your sight,
you can take the misses out to party all night.
Retirement is just the next step in your life.
I sure hope you like spending time with your wife.
Maybe you can stop back in and see us some day.
"Don’t be a stranger," we say to you, okay?
The end of a long and successful career,
You may release more than a tear.
So much passion and dedication,
You clearly deserve a long vacation.
Working with you was always a pleasure,
Your friendship is valued more than a treasure.
Countless memories, over time we have shared,
Every day you showed that you cared.
Just want to wish you only the best,
Lots of experiences, and plenty of rest.
This simple poem is no fancy award,
We just hope, it hit the right chord.
Train of Life
Some folks ride the train of life,
Looking out the rear,
Watching miles of life roll by,
And marking every year.
They sit in sad remembrance,
Of wasted days gone by,
And curse their life for what it was,
And hang their head and cry.
But I don’t concern myself with that,
I took a different vent,
I look forward to what life holds,
And not what has been spent.
So strap me to the engine,
As securely as I can be,
I want to be out on the front,
To see what I can see.
I want to feel the winds of change,
Blowing in my face,
I want to see what life unfolds,
As I move from place to place.
I want to see what’s coming up,
Not looking at the past,
Life's too short for yesterdays,
It moves along too fast.
So if the ride gets bumpy,
While you are looking back,
Go up front, and you may find,
Your life has jumped the track.
It's all right to remember,
That’s part of history,
But up front's where it’s happening,
There’s so much mystery.
The enjoyment of living,
Is not where we have been,
It's looking ever forward,
To another year and ten.
It’s searching all the byways,
Never should you refrain,
For if you want to live your life,
You gotta drive the train!
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JOKES, QUOTES & POEMS
"Become a Millionaire Before You Retire"
To see the table of contents and preface, click here.