Teachers Can Be Funny – But, Children Are Hilarious!

Funny teacher jokes are priceless, as is humor about children and senior citizens. Humor is all around us. Look for it and you will find it.

Good humor does not need to be explained. It is obvious. Not only should a joke not be explained (unless we "don't get it"), it should not be dissected. If a joke is dissected - it dies.

Humor is designed to amuse the listener. It should produce spontaneous laughter.

The following stories and jokes are not new. They have all been around for years. Many are known to have a slightly different version.

Art Linkletter Coined The Phrase: “Kids Say The Darnedest Things”!

Stressing the importance of a good vocabulary, the teacher told her young charges, "Use a word ten times, and it shall be yours for life."

From somewhere in the back of the room, came a small male voice chanting, "Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda."

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Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of
Pupil:
Life imprisonment!

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Teacher: You copied from Fred's exam paper didn't you ?
Pupil: How did you know ?
Teacher: Fred's paper says "I don't know" and you have put "Me, neither"!

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The little boy wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he made the teacher quite surprised. He tapped her on the shoulder and said ..."I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking."

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A first grade teacher handed out a coloring page to her students -on it was a picture of a frog holding an umbrella.

When the class handed them in, one little boy had colored the frog bright purple. The teacher scolded him, asking, “How often have you seen a purple frog?”

The little boy answered, “The same number of times I've seen a frog holding an umbrella.”

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Teacher: If I had ten apples in my right hand and nine in my left, what would I have?

Student: Huge hands!”

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Mrs. Johnson wrote on the chalk board, “I ain’t had no fun all summer.”

“So, George,” she said. “What should I do to correct this?”

“Get a boyfriend,” George answered.

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Teacher: What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Student: Fsh

Teacher, Eccentric Professor, and Famous Scientist!

"Michelle," a teacher reprimanded the teenager in the hall, "do you mind telling me whose class you're cutting this time?"

"Like," the young teen replied, "uh, see, okay, like it's like I really don't like think like that's really important, y'know, like because I'm y'know, like I don't get anything out of it."

"It's English class, isn't it?"replied the smiling teacher.

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An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.

The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."

Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.

Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an "A" when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words:

"What chair?"

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A famous scientist was on his way to a lecture in yet another university when his chauffeur offered an idea.

"Hey, boss, I've heard your speech so many times I bet I could deliver it and give you the night off."

"Sounds great," the scientist said.

When they got to the auditorium, the scientist put on the chauffeur's hat and settled into the back row. The chauffeur walked to the lectern and delivered the speech.

Afterward he asked if there were any questions.

"Yes," said one professor. Then he launched into a highly technical question.

The chauffeur was panic stricken for a moment but quickly recovered. "That's an easy one," he replied. "In fact, it's so easy, I'm going to let my chauffeur answer it!"

More Funny Teacher Jokes!

There were three boys who wanted to be in good terms with their new teacher.
They all decided to bring in a gift.
The first boy gave the teacher a box, she shook it and then she smelled it. She knew the boy's father worked in a candy store so she asked the boy if it were candy.
The boy said, yes.
The next boy gave her the box he had. Then she shook the box and smelled it. She knew this boy's father was a florist. She asked, Is it flowers?
The boy said, yes.
The next boy gave her his box, she knew his father worked at a distillery. Then she asked, Is it Rum?
The boy said, no.
Is it Vodka?
The boy said, no.
She shook the box and it started to leak.
She decided to taste what was leaking out.
Then she said, I don't know, What is it?
The boy said, it's a puppy.

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"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet."Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer."Well, actually I don't,"said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

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A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."
The mother exclaimed, "But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this ... by the way, what was it that you didn't do?" The little girl replied, "My homework."

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Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
His father asks: "Why?"
Johnny says: "The teacher asked me 'How much is 2x3?' and I said '6'"
Father: "But that's right!"
Johnny: "Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
Father reacts: "What's the difference?"
Johnny: "That's exactly I said!"

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"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl.
"Well, do you know who I am?"
asked the girl.
"No." replied the boy.
"I'm the principal's daughter."
said the girl.
"And do you know who I am?"asked the boy
"No," she replied.
"Thank goodness!"
said the boy with a sign of relief.

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Pupil: (on phone): My son has a bad cold and won’t be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this?
Pupil: This is my father speaking!

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“Johnny, where’s your homework?” Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand.
“My dog ate it,” was his solemn response.
“Johnny, I’ve been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?”
“It’s true, Miss Martin, I swear it is,”
insisted Johnny. “I had to smear it with honey, but I finally got him to eat it.”

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A little girl had just finished her first week of school. “I’m wasting my time,” she said to her mother.“I can’t read, I can’t write – and they won’t let me talk!”

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The new family in the neighborhood overslept and their six-year-old daughter missed her school bus.

The father, though late for work himself, had to drive her. Since he did not know the way, he said that she would have to direct him to the school.

They rode several blocks before she told him to turn the first time, several more before she indicated another turn. This went on for 20 minutes – but when they finally reached the school, it proved to be only a short distance from their home.

The father, much annoyed, asked his daughter why she’d led him around in such a circle.

The child explained, “That’s the way the school bus goes, Daddy. It’s the only way I know.”

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A man walked into the office in a school. “Excuse me,” he said to the secretary “I would like to come to school, I want to learn to read and write.” “OK,” the secretary responded in a bored voice, “just fill out this form.”


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