The Best Humor Will Produce Spontaneous Laughter!

Priceless Humor is all around us. Look for it. We see it with all ages from a child to senior citizen.

The really priceless humor does not require an explanation. It is obvious and produces spontaneous laughter. The best humor occurs in situations that all of us experience. For example, it may be a misunderstood comment or some otherwise unexplainable mishap.

If an explanation is necessary because someone says: "I don't get it" - the humor or joke dies.

There are some individuals who are just funny. They are able to combine ridiculousness with wit. They are popular and fun to be around. Who would you rather be around, a witty person or the guy who always seems to be depressed?

Child humor is a treasure that has many lifetime benefits. Happy parents can tell jokes, be entertaining, and provide their offspring with a happy childhood that should lay the ground work for a lifetime of happiness.

Priceless humor is a social event. It is fine to laugh at something when you are by yourself. In fact, I believe that is a healthy event. But, the really funny stuff requires another person to be present because the smiling and laughter are human interactive traits.

Priceless Jokes!

A mother was giving her five-year-old boy a bath. He began examining his groin area, and asked, “Mom, is this where my brains are?”

“Not yet, honey,” she answered.

___________________________________

A man walks into the kitchen, grabs his wife from behind, and says in a sexy voice, “Would you like to swap positions tonight, Darlin'?”
“Great idea,”
she says. "You wash the dishes while I zonk out in the La-Z-Boy and pass gas."

___________________________________

A son’s old and rather feeble father was nearing the end of his life. The son knew he was in line to inherit a fortune, and thought maybe it was time to find a female to enjoy it with. One night at a party he met a stunning woman who tuned every head in the room. When they had a chance to meet and chat, he let her know he was due to come into several million dollars when his father passed away.
She agreed to go home with him that night, and within 24 hours she became his new stepmother.
Some guys will never learn.

___________________________________

Once upon a time, in olden days
There was a woman
Who never nagged,
Whined, or complained.
But it was many years ago,
And it was only that one time.
The End

_________________

Two women were sitting together, quietly minding their own business.


___________________

Once upon a time, a man asked a woman if she would marry him.
The woman told him no.
And the man lived happily ever after and played a lot of golf and poker.
The end.

___________________________________

After 45 years at the company, the boss walked into the office on his last day of work, not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His long-time assistant walked up to him and said, “This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?” 
The boss said he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question. Later, as he checked himself in the office mirror before his final lunch in the company cafeteria, he noticed his fly was open, so he zipped it up. Then he understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.'
He headed out, paused by her desk, smiled, and asked, “When my garage door was open, did you see my stretch limo parked in there?” 
“No,” she said, “I didn't. All I saw was a rusty Olds with two flat tires."

___________________________________

A husband and wife in their sixties were coming up on their 40th wedding anniversary. Knowing his wIfe loved antiques, he bought a beautiful old brass oil lamp for her. When she unwrapped it, a genie appeared! He thanked them and gave each of them one wish. The wife wished for an all expenses paid, first class, around the world cruise with her husband.
Shazam! Instantly she was presented with tickets for the entire journey, plus expensive side trips, dinners, shopping, etc.
The husband, however, wished he had a female companion who was 30 years younger.
Shazam! Instantly he turned 93 years old.

Priceless Quotes!

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.   Jerry Seinfeld

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior."   Rita Rudner

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.   Milton Berle

I have a friend named Doris who argues, on good authority, that the single biggest cause of global warming is menopause.   Dave Barry

Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they do not like him.   Marlene Dietrich

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.   Gloria Steinem

Gloria Steinem

My last girlfriend had a memory so good she could remember things that never happened.   Greg Tamblyn

People are always asking me when I'm going to retire. Why should I? I've got it two ways. I'm still making movies, and I'm a senior citizen, so I can see myself at half price.   George Burns

Women are definitely more interested in muscles than a sense of humor. You will never hear a woman say, “I wish Brad Pitt would put his shirt back on and tell some jokes.”   Dave Barry

We’re happily married. We wake up in the middle of the night and laugh at each other.   Bob Hope

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.    Zsa Zsa Gabor

My husband and I had a very messy divorce because there was a baby involved. Him. And I didn’t want custody.   Wendy Liebman

Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday.   Andy Borowitz

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.   George Burns

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.   Phyllis Diller

I’m looking for someone who will love me for who I think I am.   Tim Lachowski

It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.   Dave Barry

There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.   Bob Phillips

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.   Tom Stoppard


Return to the top of Priceless Humor   *   Humor


HUMOR

GREAT IDEAS FOR RETIREES