If These Do Not Bring A Smile,
You Are Too Serious!

Religious and bible humor is similar to church humor. It includes the humor of children and senior citizens.

Good humor is all around us. Look for it. We see it in our children and at work.

Wit, including religious and bible humor, should amuse the listener. It should produce spontaneous laughter.

The best comedy occurs when we don’t expect it. For example, it may be a misunderstood comment or some otherwise unexplained mishap.

The following stories and jokes are not new. They have all been around for years. Many are known to have a slightly different version.

Let’s Start With The Children!

A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the bible means!" His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the bible means?"

The son replied, "I do know!"

"Okay," said his father, "what does the bible mean?"

"That's easy, Daddy," the young boy replied excitedly,

"It stands for 'BasicInformationBeforeLeavingEarth.'"

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A Sunday school teacher began her lesson with a question,"Boys and girls, what do we know about God?

A hand shot up in the air, "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.

"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.

"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven...."

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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to “Honor thy father and thy mother,” she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”

Without missing a beat, one little boy answered,“Thou shall not kill.”

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A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied, “They couldn’t get a baby-sitter.”

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Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?”

The mother replied, “Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.”

The child thought about this for a moment then said, “So why is the groom wearing black?”

While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign...

"Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."

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There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation:

"I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."

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There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family bible to her brother in another part of the country.

"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.

"Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.

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A minister was opening his mail one morning. Drawing a single sheet of paper from an envelope, he found written on it only one word: "FOOL."

The next Sunday he announced, "I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their names. But this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name and had forgotten to write a letter."

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Q.  “What do we have that Adam never had?”

A.  “Ancestors.”

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A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door.

Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote “Revelation 3:20” on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, “Genesis 3:10.” Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.

Revelation 3:20 begins “Behold, I stand at the door and knock.” Genesis 3:10 reads, “I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.”

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A Sunday School teacher said to her children, "We have been learning about how powerful the kings and queens were in Biblical times. But there is a higher power.

Who can tell me what it is?" Tommy blurted out, "I know, Aces."

This Would Not Be Complete Without
Actual Bulletin Announcements!

  • For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
  • This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
  • Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8:00 p.m. in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
  • Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
  • The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
  • Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
  • Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
  • Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday. Please use the back door.
  • Weight Watchers will meet at 7:00 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
  • The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.

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