I Think You Will Like These! 

Funny retirement quotes are as much a part of the party as songs, poems, jokes and other humor.

"The money's no better in retirement but the hours are!" UNKNOWN

"Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn
to get along with less cheese." GENE PERRET

"I've been attending lots of seminars in my retirement. They're called naps." MERRI BROWNWORTH

"Retirement is that marvelous time of life when the sun rises and you don't." UNKNOWN

"I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day." GENE PERRET


"There are some who start their retirement long before
they stop working." ROBERT HALF

"Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it
the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money." JONATHAN CLEMENTS

"Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did." MALCOLM FORBES

"The challenge of retirement is how to spend time without spending
money." UNKNOWN


"Happiness is being retired and spending all of my kids' inheritance before I die!" UNKNOWN

"Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save." WILL ROGERS

"I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now." UNKNOWN

 "The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age." LUCILLE BALL

"The 'boomers' biggest impact will be on eliminating the term 'retirement' and inventing a new stage of life...the new career arc." ROSABETH MOSS KANTER


"You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely." UNKNOWN

"We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it." UNKNOWN

"Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives." MAURICE CHEVALIER

"The best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice we give to others." UNKNOWN

"Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair." SAM EWING


"You don't stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing." GEORGE BERNARD SHAW 

"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At age 40, we don't care what they think of us. At age 60, we discover they haven't been thinking of us at all." ANN LANDERS 

"I believe in financial retirement. I don't necessarily believe in physical retirement." JERRY DOYLE

"People who refuse to rest honorably on their laurels when they reach retirement age seem very admirable to me." HELEN HAYES

"Sometimes it's hard to tell if retirement is a reward for a lifetime of hard work
or a punishment." UNKNOWN

"There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want." BILL WATTERSON


Return to top of Funny Retirement Quotes  *  Retirement Toasts.


Retirement Poems

   "To-Do-List"

  Wit & Wisdom

Retirement Clock


PARTY SPEECHES

MISCELLANEOUS

JOKES, QUOTES & POEMS