Don't Miss The Opportunity To Give
Your Only Retirement Speech!

A humorous retirement speech that is filled with jokes, funny poems, and one-liners can liven up any party.

Here are a few important points to remember:

  • The party is to be enjoyed by all of the guests - not just the retiree.
  • While this is a significant "milestone" in anyone's life, the party is for everyone.
  • All of the attendees are supportive of the retiree and want his or her speech to be great.
  • Let the speech be you - your own personality.
  • Keep the focus positive and directed towards your audience.
  • Humor can be difficult. But, humorous stories can be very easy to tell and very funny.
  • The most successful stories are often self-deprecating.

6 Rules That Can Guarantee Success!

  1. If you are a seasoned, charismatic speaker, you could speak for as long as 15 minutes. If you are not, limit your speech to about 5 minutes. It is better to have a shorter speech than to bore the listeners. Franklin D. Roosevelt had some good advice for speakers. He said: "Be sincere; be brief; be seated".
  2. Adapt you address to fit the entire audience. People you have known for many years and those you've known only a few months must feel included.
  3. Recall incidents and memories, particularly if they are humorous.
  4. Realize that your efforts at work were part of a team effort. Show humility.
  5. End your talk by telling everyone that you will miss them and the camaraderie. Assure them that you are looking forward to a new chapter in your life. Share some of your retirement plans.
  6. Be prepared. Practice. Rehearse. It will be obvious if you are not prepared.

There Needs To Be A Sincere and Serious Part!

Humor, in good taste, is always appropriate. Laughter will relax you and the audience. Use it as an "ice-breaker" at the beginning.

Have a central theme for your speech. Speak slowly enough that everyone will hear every word. Remember, you know what you are going to say. And you may have rehearsed it several times. But, for those listening, this is the first time that they are hearing it.

You can talk about the achievements of  your team and special relationships. Reveal your perspective on a couple stories. It's okay to exaggerate, if everyone will see the humor. It's fine to witty.

Touching stories and learning experiences can be entertaining, too. I'm sure that you can come up with a couple that will get a big "Awe".

If there is a poem or quote that somehow relates to an incident, use it. Sometimes it's a "one-liner" or a famous joke that can add some gentle humor.

This May Be Both A Happy and Sad Party!

Realize that this occasion, for the retiree, could be both a happy and sad occasion. Happy because the day-to-day grind, alarm clock arousals and fighting rush traffic are over. Sad because the daily camaraderie and updates on the lives of friends is also over.

Thank the people who are responsible for the event.

Yes, there will be more golftravel and new challenges. So, close your speech by emphasizing the positive.

Retirement Poems


  Wit & Wisdom

Retirement Clock

Return to the top of Humorous Retirement Speech   *   Speeches