Of course, there are individuals who are just funny. They combine ridiculousness with wit. They are popular people because they cause laughter. Usually they have impeccable timing and, therefore, know exactly when to interject some humor.
You, too, can take an absurd situation that happens in your day-to-day life and create a humorous situation. We all have these incidents. Use them to create some laughter. With time you will get your timing down which is a must.
While making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray to a group of medical students.
"As you can see," she says,"the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. Michael, what would you do in a case like this?"
"Well," ponders the student, "I suppose I'd limp too."
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.
"Yes, Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...."
“Doctor, doctor I've broken my arm in two places.”
“Hmmm, I would advise you not to go back to either of those places then.”
“Doctor, doctor my nose runs and my feet smell.”
”I fear you may have been built upside down.”
A lady went to a doctor’s office where she was seen by a Doctor. A few minutes into the examination, screeching could be heard from the room, and then the lady burst out of the room as if running for her life.
After much effort a nurse finally managed to calm her down enough to tell her story. The nurse barged into the office of the Doctor and screamed, “shame on you, Mrs. Smith is 82 years old, and you told her she’s pregnant.”
The Doctor continued writing calmly and barely looking up said, “Does she still have the hiccups?”
this old man goes to the doctor and the doctor says, “You’re test
results came back and I’m afraid I have some bad news. You have Cancer
and you have Alzheimer’s”.
The old man says, “That ain’t so bad, at least I don’t have Cancer!”
"Doctor, doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands from shaking!"
"Do you drink a lot?"
"Not really - I spill most of it!"
"Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?"
"Yes, of course..."
"Great! I never could before!"
A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"
Doctor: “I have some bad news and some very bad news.”
Patient: “Well, might as well give me the bad news first.”
Doctor: “The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.”
Patient: “24 HOURS! That’s terrible! What could be worse? What’s the very bad news?”
Doctor: “I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.”
A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
"Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor.
"You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman.
"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific."
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled,"Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts", she cried.
The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis, "You have a broken finger."
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.
The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike.
The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"
The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic...
"Try doing it with the engine running."
A lawyer was cross-examining the doctor about whether or not he had checked the pulse of the deceased before he signed the death certificate.
"No," the doctor said. "I did not check his pulse."
"And did you listen for a heartbeat?" asked the lawyer.
"So," said the lawyer, "when you signed the death certificate, you had not taken steps to make sure he was dead."
The doctor said, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was in a jar on my desk but, for all I know, he could be out practicing law somewhere."
A psychiatrist's secretary walks into his study
"There's a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you.
Claims he's invisible."
The psychiatrist responds, "Tell him I can't see him."
A guy tells his psychiatrist, “I always have this weird dream at night. I am locked in a room with a door on which there is a sign. I try to push it with all my strength, but no matter how hard I try, it won’t budge."
The psychiatrist muses, “Interesting, but tell me what does the sign on the door say?” The guy replies, “It says 'Pull'”!
A couple was making their first doctors visit prior to the birth of their first child.
After the exam, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife’s stomach with indelible ink. The man and his wife were curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, the man took out his magnifying glass to try to see what is was.
In very small letters, the stamp said, “When you can read this, come back and see me.”
Doctor: “Does it hurt when you do this?”
Doctor: “Well, don't do that.”
Patient: “My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?”
Doctor: “A shoebox.”
Doctor: “You're in good health. You'll live to be eighty.”
Patient: “But, doctor, I am 80 right now.”
Doctor: “See, what did I tell you.”
Patient: “Doctor, I have a serious memory problem. I can't remember anything!”
Doctor: “So, since when did you have this problem?”
Patient: “What problem?”
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GREAT IDEAS FOR RETIREES