funny retirement poems can be part of toast to the retiree. It can also enhance
the joy and decrease the sadness of future separation from co-workers.
A retirement party should be fun and memorable. Anything that lightens the mood and makes people laugh will help to make it a joyous event.
You can personalize a poem by inserting the retiree's name or changing a word or two to add meaning and humor. Funny jokes, poems or quotes are an important part of any retirement party. You can also make your own unique card on your computer with a personalized sentimental message and comments.
Time goes by so very fast.
Alive at Sixty Five
Over the hill but not yet old.
As the winter of my life slowly nears.
Since I've been retired
Every day is a fun day
My week now consists
Of six Saturdays and a Sunday
always have work for your hands to do.
May your pockets hold always a coin or two.
May the sun shine bright on your windowpane.
May the rainbow be certain to follow each rain.
May the hand of a friend always be near you.
And may God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.
IRISH RETIREMENT BLESSING
My wife said, "watcha doin' today?"
Prayer for Senility
God grant me the senility
At age 20 we worry about what others think of
Sit down, relax, prop up those feet...
Don't worry, you won't get fired!
You can do all this and more
Now that you're retired!
Stay up late and sleep 'til noon
Watching movies on Pay Per View.
Now that you don't have a boss
You can do what you want to do!
Forget about deadlines and salary cuts,
They're no longer thorns in your side!
Your days are yours to do as you please
And life's just one big joyride!
Do all the things you can dream up
In your imaginations!
Have the best time of your lives
With my congratulations!
Time of Retirement
Retirement’s a time we all hope to
With no clock to watch except in our mind.
The daily demands of the job that you choose,
Take its toll, and you worry, afraid you will lose
The thing you worked for all of the years
To leave only heartaches misery and tears
You are most fortunate to achieve your
And retire with health and family still whole.
With carefree days to spend as you will
If you like you can go and just sit on a hill
To take time to look and study the ground
And enjoy the beauty that’s spread all around
A happy time of your life it should be
For there are a great many wonders to see
Free time to do the things in your dreams
To camp, hurt, or fish the crystal clear streams
To get close to nature on intimate terms
It’s a good way to live as a person soon learns
go to pastures new
Remember those who worked with you
Think of us office bound, longing for sun
And we'll think of you out there having great fun
As you are wise you will no doubt wonder
How will they get by without a blunder
But we'll learn and laugh and then we'll say
How you would never have done it that way
And even at times if we've driven you mad
We thank you most sincerely for the great times we've had
Whatever aspirations you now hold in your
We wish you the best retirement right from the start
Keep in touch, let us know how you are
Send us a postcard from near and afar
Think of us fondly as we do of you
And remember us working, as you used to do
You wake up in the morning
With nothing to do
How you’re going to fill your day
You haven’t a clue
By the time you’ve had a leisurely breakfast
Your energy starts to sap
Before lunch the chances are
You’ll find the time to fit in a nap
At lunch, avoid drinking coffee
That’s far too soon
You don’t want it keeping you awake
All the afternoon
Get some fresh air
Go into the garden for a bit
Having a nice long sit
When you’re thoroughly worn out
With all that fresh air
Take yourself back indoors
To your favorite armchair
Where you can have a good contemplate
About ways to get thinner
But try to fit in 40 winks
Just ahead of dinner
Then relax in the evening
Trying to understand
How you only managed to get done
Half the things you‘d planned
Never mind, don’t bother yourself
With any regret or sorrow
You’ve got plenty of time to fail
To do it all again tomorrow
My Get Up and Go Has Got Up and Went
How do I know that my youth is all spent?
Well, my get up and go has got up and went,
But in spite of it all I am able to grin.
When I think of the places my get up has been.
Old age is golden, So I've heard said
But sometimes I wonder, as I get into bed.
With my ears in a drawer, my teeth in a cup
And my eyes on the table until I wake up.
Ere sleep dims my eyes I say to myself
"Is there anything else I can put on the shelf?"
And I'm happy to say as I close the door
"My friends are the same, perhaps even more."
When I was a young thing my slippers were
I could kick my heels as high as my head.
Then when I was older, my slippers were blue,
But still I could walk the whole day through.
Now I'm still older, my slippers are black.
I walk to the store and puff my way back.
The reason I know my youth is all spent,
My get up and go has got up and went.
But really, I don't mind when I think with a
Of all the grand places my get up has been.
Since I have retired from life's competition
I busy myself with complete repetition.
I get up each morning and dust off my wits,
Pick up the paper and read the 'obits',
If my name is missing I know I'm not dead
So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed.
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JOKES, QUOTES & POEMS