Parties Are Meant To Be Fun!

More funny retirement poems can be part of toast to the retiree. It can also enhance the joy and decrease the sadness of future separation from co-workers.

A retirement party should be fun and memorable. Anything that lightens the mood and makes people laugh will help to make it a joyous event.

You can personalize a poem by inserting the retiree's name or changing a word or two to add meaning and humor. Funny jokes, poems or quotes are an important part of any retirement party. You can also make your own unique card on your computer with a personalized sentimental message and comments.

Time goes by so very fast.
It's so hard to believe.
It's time for your retirement,
Time for feeling free.

You've worked so very hard
To make this dream come true,
And no one deserves it
Anymore than you.

You have had some rough times.
You've made it through them all.
You've made the best of what life brings,
And, today, you're standing tall.

I wish you days of happiness
Not filled with any strife.
I hope that your retirement years
Are the best years of your life. 

Alive at Sixty Five

Over the hill but not yet old.
I’m still spunky, so I am told.
My life has been a bumpy ride.
But, my inner-child smiles inside.

As the winter of my life slowly nears.
It’s time for me to switch some gears.
But, while I’m waiting for that time.
I’m kicking and alive at sixty-five

Senior Week

Since I've been retired

Every day is a fun day

My week now consists

Of six Saturdays and a Sunday

May you always have work for your hands to do.
May your pockets hold always a coin or two.
May the sun shine bright on your windowpane.
May the rainbow be certain to follow each rain.
May the hand of a friend always be near you.
And may God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.


My wife said, "watcha doin' today?"
I said, "Nothing"
She said, "You did that yesterday"
I said, "I wasn't finished."

Prayer for Senility

God grant me the senility
to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Don't Worry

At age 20 we worry about what others think of us;
At age 40 we don't care what they think of us;
At age 60 we realize that they haven't been thinking of us at all.

Sit down, relax, prop up those feet...

Don't worry, you won't get fired!

You can do all this and more

Now that you're retired!

Stay up late and sleep 'til noon

Watching movies on Pay Per View.

Now that you don't have a boss

You can do what you want to do!

Forget about deadlines and salary cuts,

They're no longer thorns in your side!

Your days are yours to do as you please

And life's just one big joyride!

Do all the things you can dream up

In your imaginations!

Have the best time of your lives

With my congratulations!


Time of Retirement

Retirement’s a time we all hope to find,
With no clock to watch except in our mind.
The daily demands of the job that you choose,
Take its toll, and you worry, afraid you will lose

The thing you worked for all of the years
To leave only heartaches misery and tears

You are most fortunate to achieve your goal
And retire with health and family still whole.

With carefree days to spend as you will
If you like you can go and just sit on a hill
To take time to look and study the ground
And enjoy the beauty that’s spread all around 

A happy time of your life it should be
For there are a great many wonders to see
Free time to do the things in your dreams
To camp, hurt, or fish the crystal clear streams
To get close to nature on intimate terms
It’s a good way to live as a person soon learns


As you go to pastures new
Remember those who worked with you

Think of us office bound, longing for sun
And we'll think of you out there having great fun 

As you are wise you will no doubt wonder
How will they get by without a blunder

But we'll learn and laugh and then we'll say
How you would never have done it that way 

And even at times if we've driven you mad
We thank you most sincerely for the great times we've had

Whatever aspirations you now hold in your heart
We wish you the best retirement right from the start 

Keep in touch, let us know how you are
Send us a postcard from near and afar

Think of us fondly as we do of you
And remember us working, as you used to do

You wake up in the morning
With nothing to do
How you’re going to fill your day
You haven’t a clue

By the time you’ve had a leisurely breakfast
Your energy starts to sap
Before lunch the chances are
You’ll find the time to fit in a nap

At lunch, avoid drinking coffee 
That’s far too soon
You don’t want it keeping you awake
All the afternoon

Get some fresh air
Go into the garden for a bit
Busy yourself
Having a nice long sit

When you’re thoroughly worn out
With all that fresh air
Take yourself back indoors
To your favorite armchair

Where you can have a good contemplate
About ways to get thinner
But try to fit in 40 winks
Just ahead of dinner

Then relax in the evening
Trying to understand
How you only managed to get done
Half the things you‘d planned

Never mind, don’t bother yourself
With any regret or sorrow
You’ve got plenty of time to fail
To do it all again tomorrow


My Get Up and Go Has Got Up and Went

How do I know that my youth is all spent?
Well, my get up and go has got up and went,
But in spite of it all I am able to grin.
When I think of the places my get up has been.

Old age is golden, So I've heard said
But sometimes I wonder, as I get into bed.
With my ears in a drawer, my teeth in a cup
And my eyes on the table until I wake up.

Ere sleep dims my eyes I say to myself
"Is there anything else I can put on the shelf?"
And I'm happy to say as I close the door
"My friends are the same, perhaps even more."

When I was a young thing my slippers were red,
I could kick my heels as high as my head.
Then when I was older, my slippers were blue,
But still I could walk the whole day through.

Now I'm still older, my slippers are black.
I walk to the store and puff my way back.
The reason I know my youth is all spent,
My get up and go has got up and went.

But really, I don't mind when I think with a grin,
Of all the grand places my get up has been.
Since I have retired from life's competition
I busy myself with complete repetition.

I get up each morning and dust off my wits,
Pick up the paper and read the 'obits',
If my name is missing I know I'm not dead
So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed.

   Great Gift

Retirement Gift

Interesting Gift

   Unique Gift

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