Motorcycle humor can be rather condescending. The jokes, while funny, tend to make fun of anyone on a cycle - particularly Harley-Davidson riders.
I rode a Harley-Davidson motorcycle for 13 years. It was pure joy to travel the back roads through farm country. I would explore roads that I never would have made the time to travel if not for owning a Harley. I traveled every scenic road in my state.
There are many stories about cyclist gangs - their drugs, drinking, and mayhem. But, there is also another group of cyclists made up of executives, doctors, and women who enjoy the adventures of cycling. These groups tend to intermingle at the two main events for cyclists - in Sturgis (South Dakota) and Daytona (Florida).
For those of you who are not cyclists and may not have heard about Daytona Bike Week (March) or the annual Sturgis Motorcycle Rally (August). They have been around for awhile. The first Daytona Bike Week was in 1937. The Sturgis Rally started in 1940.
They are huge rallies with many events such as contests and concerts - and of course, numerous bars and restaurants.
A cop is staking out a popular biker bar, hoping for a bust. At closing time, he sees a biker stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and fumble for his keys for five minutes. When he finally gets on the bike, it takes him another five minutes to get the key in the ignition.
Meanwhile, everybody else leaves the bar and rides off. When he finally pulls away, the cop is waiting for him, pulls him over, and gives him a Breathalyzer test. The test shows he has a blood alcohol level of 0.0. The cop says, "How is this possible?"
The guy laughs and says, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
A Honda owner is riding along with a Harley owner as his passenger when he decides to pull over because he suspects that his turn signal may not be working. He asks the Harley owner if he doesn't mind stepping off of the bike to check the lights while he tests them.
The Harley owner steps off and stands in front of the Honda. The Honda rider turns on the turn signal and asks, "Is it working?"
To which the Harley owner responds, "Yes, it's working....No, it's not working....Yes, it's working....No, it's not working...."
Q: Did you hear about the Harley owner who married an Amish woman?
A: He drove her buggy.
A man appears before the pearly gates.
"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asks.
"Well, I can think of one thing....", the man offers. "Once, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen."
"So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker. I smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground. I told him, 'Leave her alone now or you'll answer to me!'"
St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"
The man answers "A couple of minutes ago."
A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest.
Worried that he might need a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.
Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off. Written in large black letters was the sentence: "Get well soon....... from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week."
A gynecologist was getting sick of his job and decided that he needed a career change. He'd always enjoyed tinkering with motorcycle engines so thought he'd become a motorcycle mechanic.
The good doctor went along to the American Institute of Motorcycling, the best motorcycle mechanics school in the country, and completed the training class. The final exam was to strip a bike engine completely and reassemble it - obviously back into perfect working order.
So our gynecologist friend did the test and anxiously awaited the result. The day he received the results he got quite a surprise, he got 150%!
He quickly phoned the instructor and queried the mark. The instructor said, "No, no that's right. First I gave you 50% for stripping down the engine -- a very thorough job. Next I gave you 50% for reassembling it - a fantastic job really. Then I gave you a 50% bonus for doing it all through the muffler."
Two guys were roaring down the road on a motorcycle when the driver slowed up and pulled over. His leather jacket had a broken zipper, and he told his friend, "I can't drive anymore with the air hitting me in the chest like that." "Just put the jacket on backwards." His friend advised.
They continued down the road but around the next bend, they lost control and wiped out. A nearby farmer came upon the accident and ran to call the police.
They asked him, "Are they showing any signs of life?" "Well," the farmer explained, "the driver was until I turned his head around the right way!"
A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?"
The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and said, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new."
"So how come I make $40,000 a year, and you get the really big bucks ($1.5 million) when you and I are doing basically the same work?"
GREAT IDEAS FOR RETIREES