Retirement
party humor can be tricky as you find the right level of wit. You will find the
best retirement jokes, quotes, poems and one-liners - pick out one that fits
your retiree.
Good natured humor should be part of any celebration - especially a retirement party. It requires finding just the right quote or joke. For that reason, I will list many quotes and stories so that you can select the most appropriate.
To set the mood for the party, select a humorous invitation. There are many web sites from which to choose. Click here for one that I recommend as having really funny invitations. Also, view Sample Retirement Party Invitations for more ideas.
There are many ideas that can make your retirement party humor outrageously funny. For example, many or even all of the guests can wear a T-Shirt that has the same printed message such as: "RETIRED - Now I'm The Boss". Check the internet for more catchy phrases.
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If you are giving a speech, try to work some of these quotes
into it.
"The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off." ABE LEMONS
"Before deciding to take early retirement..., stay home a week and watch daytime television." UNKNOWN
"There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working." ROBERT HALF
"It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man." SCOTT ELLEDGE
"The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does." UNKNOWN
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"Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save." WILL ROGERS "There is one thing I always wanted to do before I quit...retire!" GROUCHO MARX "The money's no better in retirement but the hours are." UNKNOWN |
"Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it." GENE PERRET
"A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job." ELLA HARRIS
"What do gardeners do when they retire?" BOB MONKHOUSE
Definition of Retirement: You
get up in the morning with nothing to do, and go to bed at night having only
done half of it.
RETIREMENT TIME
Retirement is a time
For feeling glad to be alive,
A time when friendships blossom
And enthusiasms thrive.
A chance to do the special things
You always wished you could.
Retirement is a special time
For knowing...life is good.
Congratulations on your Retirement.
Work these One-liners into any retirement speech:
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Today we would like to thank Albert for his service to our
company.
Albert is someone who does not know the meaning of impossible task, who does not know the meaning of lunch break, who does not understand the meaning of the word no.
So we have clubbed together and bought Albert a dictionary.
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If my body was a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull ... But that's not the worst of it.......
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But here's the worst of it:
Retirement Poems |
"To-Do-List" |
Wit & Wisdom |
Retirement Clock |
Return to the top of Retirement Party Humor.
RETIREMENT PARTY CHECKLIST |
RETIREMENT QUESTIONS
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